Rory’s guide to owning a human

January 28, 2017 by Scarlett Walker 4 Comments

There are many cats out there who think that they would like to own a human, but there is a lot that you need to know before you decide to move in with one.  Although humans seem to be independent, they are actually a big commitment and despite appearances are not actually capable of taking care of themselves.

Human’s live for a very long time, constantly seek attention and require a lot of care.  They can be difficult to train and getting them to do what you want requires patience.

It’s not all downside through, in return your human will open tins of food, bring home cardboard boxes and provide a warm place to sleep.  With the proper care your human will love you and bring a number of benefits to your life.

Marking your humans

Once you have selected your human it is vitally important that you mark them as your own.  This is the only way to ensure that other cats know that this is your human and not a stray.

There are many ways to mark a human, such as kneading them or rubbing your face on them repeatedly.  I like to go the extra step of getting as much of my hair on my humans clothing as possible.  If the human objects to this then a good method is to pull down any clothing hung up to dry, or sneak into a drawer and sleep on the clothing until thoroughly coated.

Do not urinate on your human to mark them.  Although acceptable for outdoor territory, humans take badly to this for some reason.

Training

Humans are very difficult to train and getting results takes a lot of patience.  Always remember that your human wants to make you happy and if you persevere you will get them to do your bidding.

It is better to start with small acts to reinforce the behaviour you’re looking for.  As an example if you want your human to wake up at 3am to feed you or generally give you attention start by standing near them and purring loudly.  If this doesn’t work, you can move on to:

• Standing on them and purring loudly
• Head-butting their face repeatedly
• Getting under the covers and running up and down
• Scratching furniture
• Chewing things – glasses, mobile phones and charger cables get a good response

If all else fails biting or scratching feet tends to lead to an instant response but could also result in you being shut out of the bedroom.

Try as I might I have been unable to teach my humans to hunt.  This just doesn’t come naturally to them and they will persist in feeding me, and themselves, food out of packets.  When you have humans there are some things you just have to learn to live with.

General care

Although your human sometimes won’t get up when you need them to, there are other times when they won’t stay still.  To ensure your humans wellbeing they do need some time to relax.  You can help encourage them to stay in one place by lying on them and gently purring.  They will take care not to disturb you and as a result will get some rest of their own.